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20 February 2006 @ 06:47 pm
A vision too removed to mention...  
Okay, to be perfectly honest, I did go "hah!" all triumphal-like. There is no good excuse for this, but as I said after Shabbat services (Yes, yes I am atheist. But I like new experiences and I live with someone in a religious studies class), I might be the most terrible human being in the room, but at least I have the grace to be ashamed of it. Good enough for me. Other than that...been busy, been cynical. Not in a self-destructive way, I'll be keeping up my hard work on that front even if it kills me, but in a Saul Bellow way. Like observational humor, but less insipid and more funny.

Speaking of insipid observational humor, my personal life, which I have been neglecting dreadfully as per usual standard, is a shambles. The less attention I pay, the more other people do, and I always end up wanting to bang my head into a wall when I finally do realize this. I wish there were a way to say, "Look buddy, snowball's chance in hell, why don't you go talk to that chickie there?" without sounding really really arrogant. Plus I always feel counterproductive even thinking of saying something like that, since I've had this long-abiding frustration with being cool shit and nothing more. The more time goes by the more I see this kind of thing as a gross underestimation and waste of potential. I suppose it's worse now because of everything from my last final forward, but I'd be lying if I said it was ever fun.

Actually, I'm kind of irritated right now and I don't know why. I think it is, like Sheila said, one of those "Bagha smash!" days for everyone. I think this calls for me to stop listening to mentally-abrasive 90s music and go do some reading so I don't feel like a total lout.
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: Verve Pipe- The Freshman